where i am.

I have been struggling for the past few weeks...wondering what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I want so bad to work in ministry, to be in ministry…but I feel like it's out of reach. I know that I can do ministry where ever I am located; that it's everywhere but that's not what I am talking about. I want to serve, I want to be active in my faith, I want to go to work where everyone else has ministry on their minds; to come up with ideas together on how to reach the lost, how to serve the community...take trips. I want to "do." For some reason today was so hard. It could be the weather or it could be the fact that I have nothing to do with myself at work. I answer the few emails that there are, contact the short list of students that I have, and wait for the non-existent visitors to come through that big glass door. Nothing. I feel like I am wasting my time and that my life consists of nothing. It was so peaceful during my lunch break to go right next door to the campus prayer chapel and just talk/think with God. Unfortunately that is something that I don't do enough in my walk is just to sit and think about Him...with Him. Two verses came to mind and they changed my attitude for the day. Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." Be still. I need to be still. I need to realize that in my life where everything seems to "be still" that He is still God. God is still God. He hasn't left me, He hasn't forgotten about me...He is still in control and He still has a plan. Imagine that, when my plan isn't working out...His is, because...well, He's God. The second verse is Philippians 4:11 "I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Wow, content. Now, that is something I can't seem to learn in any situation. Even though my job is slow, I hate the program I am pursuing, and my life seems so mundane...I am to be content. Why? Because God is God. I need to realize that even though I am somewhere that doesn't seem to be worthwhile, that it is. Why, Because God has a plan. Anyway, that's todays lesson. :)

stand.

Ever since I became a Christian, I have been big on standing up for Christ. It would make me mad when people talked bad about God and degraded Him. I became furious with those people and wanted to hate them, I may have hated them actually. Over the years, well most recently I have learned to love my enemies and that it is okay if they do not believe what I do. It is okay to befriend those who hate God or want nothing to do with Him. While at work I was listening to Pandora and the song "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick came on. This song definitely caused me to realize something. I love being encouraged to stand for my faith. However, I always think of the extremely hard times with a lot of persecution. I never think of my daily routine and what I face every day. I don't think of the times when my friends are partaking in stuff that I shouldn't, those are the times that I should stand. I should stand for my faith in not only the big things but the small things too. The small things in my life will affect my stance when it comes time for the big things. This is why I love music. :)

Distractions

I want nothing more than to be totally in love with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am tired of distractions, it seems to be that everytime I finally have my focus set, something else comes into the picture.

Satan has a plan to distract us from the truth, to do whatever it takes to take our focus off of our existence.

I am here to live for Christ, to give Him my all. I cannot allow distractions to get in my way but that seems to be my problem.

It is so frustrating when I am doing so well and then I lose focus.

How can I keep myself from being distracted?

Proverbs 31

Almost all of us have heard of the "Proverbs 31 Woman." This woman portrays perfection. She is the ideal woman for any godly man. Thousands of girls strive to be just like her and in hopes that one day Mr. Right will notice.

I will admit; I have thought this way. I assumed that if I could live like a Proverbs 31 Woman that I would be next in line for a ring by spring. It is my hearts desire to have a godly man, to be the wife of a husband who loves God more than me, our kids, himself. I understand that I need to be working on myself to be the woman that he is going to want. I cannot expect him to meet my standards when I am living however I please. If I want a man who loves Christ and righteousness more than me, then I need to be a woman who loves the same way.

Now, I am not saying that we need to act just like the Proverbs 31 woman to win over a man. However, I do believe that if we strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman because she fears the Lord, then her heart is set on Him and when He is willing, Mr. Right will come along.

I went through the chapter yesterday and wrote down the aspect of this woman that stuck out to me the most. The aspects that I feel make a woman worth a mans while.

-Virtuous
-Good
-Seeks
-Willing
-Brings (Brings her food from afar)
-Early Riser
-Provides
-Considers
-Strength
-Strengthens (She is healthy)
-Helps the Poor
-Helps the needy (For this one and the previous point, she was active about this not just giving money or saying she will help, she took initiative)
-Well Dressed (She respected who she was by how she presented herself)
-Speaks Kindness
-Not Lazy
-Fears the Lord
-Humble (She lets her own works praise her)

I know that after seeing the list I wrote down from the chapter, there are a lot of things I do not have in my life. I want to be this woman because she loves her Lord and she tends to her family.

People have put a bad stigma to a woman who wants to be a house wife, who want to just be a wife; to be a wife is a good thing. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." There is nothing wrong with having the desire to be a wife.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have been expecting my husband (whom ever he may be) to meet these standards that I have but I wasn't living up to my own standards. That was and is hypocritical of me. I need to make sure that I am godly for him just like I expect him to be godly for me.