where i am.

I have been struggling for the past few weeks...wondering what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I want so bad to work in ministry, to be in ministry…but I feel like it's out of reach. I know that I can do ministry where ever I am located; that it's everywhere but that's not what I am talking about. I want to serve, I want to be active in my faith, I want to go to work where everyone else has ministry on their minds; to come up with ideas together on how to reach the lost, how to serve the community...take trips. I want to "do." For some reason today was so hard. It could be the weather or it could be the fact that I have nothing to do with myself at work. I answer the few emails that there are, contact the short list of students that I have, and wait for the non-existent visitors to come through that big glass door. Nothing. I feel like I am wasting my time and that my life consists of nothing. It was so peaceful during my lunch break to go right next door to the campus prayer chapel and just talk/think with God. Unfortunately that is something that I don't do enough in my walk is just to sit and think about Him...with Him. Two verses came to mind and they changed my attitude for the day. Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." Be still. I need to be still. I need to realize that in my life where everything seems to "be still" that He is still God. God is still God. He hasn't left me, He hasn't forgotten about me...He is still in control and He still has a plan. Imagine that, when my plan isn't working out...His is, because...well, He's God. The second verse is Philippians 4:11 "I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Wow, content. Now, that is something I can't seem to learn in any situation. Even though my job is slow, I hate the program I am pursuing, and my life seems so mundane...I am to be content. Why? Because God is God. I need to realize that even though I am somewhere that doesn't seem to be worthwhile, that it is. Why, Because God has a plan. Anyway, that's todays lesson. :)

stand.

Ever since I became a Christian, I have been big on standing up for Christ. It would make me mad when people talked bad about God and degraded Him. I became furious with those people and wanted to hate them, I may have hated them actually. Over the years, well most recently I have learned to love my enemies and that it is okay if they do not believe what I do. It is okay to befriend those who hate God or want nothing to do with Him. While at work I was listening to Pandora and the song "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick came on. This song definitely caused me to realize something. I love being encouraged to stand for my faith. However, I always think of the extremely hard times with a lot of persecution. I never think of my daily routine and what I face every day. I don't think of the times when my friends are partaking in stuff that I shouldn't, those are the times that I should stand. I should stand for my faith in not only the big things but the small things too. The small things in my life will affect my stance when it comes time for the big things. This is why I love music. :)

Distractions

I want nothing more than to be totally in love with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am tired of distractions, it seems to be that everytime I finally have my focus set, something else comes into the picture.

Satan has a plan to distract us from the truth, to do whatever it takes to take our focus off of our existence.

I am here to live for Christ, to give Him my all. I cannot allow distractions to get in my way but that seems to be my problem.

It is so frustrating when I am doing so well and then I lose focus.

How can I keep myself from being distracted?

Proverbs 31

Almost all of us have heard of the "Proverbs 31 Woman." This woman portrays perfection. She is the ideal woman for any godly man. Thousands of girls strive to be just like her and in hopes that one day Mr. Right will notice.

I will admit; I have thought this way. I assumed that if I could live like a Proverbs 31 Woman that I would be next in line for a ring by spring. It is my hearts desire to have a godly man, to be the wife of a husband who loves God more than me, our kids, himself. I understand that I need to be working on myself to be the woman that he is going to want. I cannot expect him to meet my standards when I am living however I please. If I want a man who loves Christ and righteousness more than me, then I need to be a woman who loves the same way.

Now, I am not saying that we need to act just like the Proverbs 31 woman to win over a man. However, I do believe that if we strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman because she fears the Lord, then her heart is set on Him and when He is willing, Mr. Right will come along.

I went through the chapter yesterday and wrote down the aspect of this woman that stuck out to me the most. The aspects that I feel make a woman worth a mans while.

-Virtuous
-Good
-Seeks
-Willing
-Brings (Brings her food from afar)
-Early Riser
-Provides
-Considers
-Strength
-Strengthens (She is healthy)
-Helps the Poor
-Helps the needy (For this one and the previous point, she was active about this not just giving money or saying she will help, she took initiative)
-Well Dressed (She respected who she was by how she presented herself)
-Speaks Kindness
-Not Lazy
-Fears the Lord
-Humble (She lets her own works praise her)

I know that after seeing the list I wrote down from the chapter, there are a lot of things I do not have in my life. I want to be this woman because she loves her Lord and she tends to her family.

People have put a bad stigma to a woman who wants to be a house wife, who want to just be a wife; to be a wife is a good thing. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." There is nothing wrong with having the desire to be a wife.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have been expecting my husband (whom ever he may be) to meet these standards that I have but I wasn't living up to my own standards. That was and is hypocritical of me. I need to make sure that I am godly for him just like I expect him to be godly for me.

Why do we question Gods authority?

We are Gods creation.

Genesis 2:7 "Then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature."

God created us with His own hands. We are His creation, His art, His object, He owns us.

Romans 9:19-24 " 19You will say to me then, "Why does he still find fault? For who can resist his will?" But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction,in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles?"

If we are Gods creation and we were made for Him, why do we question Him?

We queston him in the little things and in the big things. We question whether or not His word is right or wrong. We also question His existence.

When we read Gods word and see a law or a sin that does not make sense to us, why do we question it? Why do we challenge it? Why can we not just see it, believe it, and obey it.

Why are we so concerned about making ourselves happy? We worry too much about how to get around the rules, it's sad.

Just obey.

Creation should not question its creator or rule maker, how insulting.

move on.

I am not really sure where to begin.

If you have read my past two blogs then you know that I have done certain things that I am not proud of. After opening the door to what the world calls "fun" it has been very hard to shut. I know that as a Christian I am supposed to live a certain way, to be different but it's so hard. A part of me longs to be a God fearing woman but there is a another part of me that is so curious to see what all the world has to offer. It's a battle in my mind, a very big battle.

Romans 12:1-2 talks about our minds being renewed to that we will be able to see what Gods will is and that we will not conform to the world...but what happens when we fail. What happens when we mess up?

That's where I was at not too long ago, I had lived like the world and finally started to "anti-conform", my walk with Christ was growing, I was being surrounded by strong believers, active in bible studies, but then I fell.

Falling is not fun at least when I realize that I have fallen. As Christians we have two options when we fall. We can either sit there and feel sorry for ourselves for not staying on track or we can get up, shake it off, and continue to run the race.

I don't know about you but I want to be able to stand back up, shake it off, and pick up where I left off. If we sit there and wish we hadn't done whatever it may have been how are we allowing ourselves to be used by God. That is exactly what Satan wants, if he cannot get us for eternity he will do what it takes to keep us from being used by God. He will feed us lies and keep us down.

These past few days I was struggling because I had fallen. I felt so guilty for messing up and was so mad at myself, but then I realized that I can't just sit here and wish I could do it over. I had to ask for forgiveness and move on.

So many Christians have so much potential but instead of moving on they are giving up. God did not call us to follow Him just to walk through life without trials, temptations, and failures. We are to follow Him because through the trials, temptations, and failures we will learn what it means to be a true Christian.

I want to encourage all of you who read this that as Christians we cannot just give up, we have to fight. We have to get past our mistakes get past the bad things that happen to us and allow God to work. God wants us to use our past to strengthen us for what lies ahead.

[anti]conform

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Romans 12:1-2

Renewing is a verb, something that is taking place and in action. Paul tells us in this verse that we are to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind". This is not something that takes place once after salvation, it is ongoing. We are to constantly be renewing our minds. Why?

When we do not renew our minds we will start to think like the world around us. A Christ follower is supposed to act, think, and just be different. Our actions develop from our mind. We do what we think. We say what we think (most of the time). When you feed your mind with things of this world and allow that thought process to begin then your actions will start conforming to the pattern of the world. It relates a lot with your physical life. When you are trying to train your body to run a race, you are not going to feed yourself pizza, chips, soda, alcohol, candy, or do any kind of drug or smoke. No, you will feed yourself lots of water, fresh fruit and veggies, and protein. These things will allow your body to run right so that you can run the race that you have physically prepared for.

This is the exact same thing with our spiritual bodies. Spiritually we need to be feeding our soul the Word of God, words of wisdom, having fellowship with other believers, music that is uplifting, and media that brings us up, not puts us down.

I am not saying that eating junk food is a sin or watching T.V. and listening to "non-christian" music is evil. What I am saying is that whatever you are constantly feeding yourself that will be your result.

From personal experience, if you read my previous blog then you know that I strayed for a while and did things "on my own". I can honestly tell you that the reason I had a hard heart was from not hanging around spiritually uplifting people, feeding myself the lies of my culture (that I had to be a size 0, white teeth, high maintenance, and brand name clothes), I had to be in a relationship to feel complete, listening to artist that were singing everything that was not Biblical but excusing it because they were "creative" and not allowing myself that one on one time with God. The result, a hard heart toward God for who I had become. The results from that partying and pushing myself further away from wanting what God had for me.

My mind was conformed to this world. Yes, I am a Christ follower and was at that time, but I was not renewing my mind. I was not allowing that to be a verb, I was letting it be a past action which does not work when you are stuck in a world that screams the opposite of what God says in His word.

I want this blog to encourage you to realize that yes, we are surrounded by a culture that wants us to do everything but live for what is right. However, if we renew our minds daily with what the TRUE Word of God tells us, then we will begin to see that line that should be drawn and start running the race that we were supposed to start at the moment of salvation.

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good an acceptable and perfect will of God."

Romans 12:2