Tuesday, October 2, 2012

where i am.

I have been struggling for the past few weeks...wondering what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I want so bad to work in ministry, to be in ministry…but I feel like it's out of reach. I know that I can do ministry where ever I am located; that it's everywhere but that's not what I am talking about. I want to serve, I want to be active in my faith, I want to go to work where everyone else has ministry on their minds; to come up with ideas together on how to reach the lost, how to serve the community...take trips. I want to "do." For some reason today was so hard. It could be the weather or it could be the fact that I have nothing to do with myself at work. I answer the few emails that there are, contact the short list of students that I have, and wait for the non-existent visitors to come through that big glass door. Nothing. I feel like I am wasting my time and that my life consists of nothing. It was so peaceful during my lunch break to go right next door to the campus prayer chapel and just talk/think with God. Unfortunately that is something that I don't do enough in my walk is just to sit and think about Him...with Him. Two verses came to mind and they changed my attitude for the day. Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." Be still. I need to be still. I need to realize that in my life where everything seems to "be still" that He is still God. God is still God. He hasn't left me, He hasn't forgotten about me...He is still in control and He still has a plan. Imagine that, when my plan isn't working out...His is, because...well, He's God. The second verse is Philippians 4:11 "I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Wow, content. Now, that is something I can't seem to learn in any situation. Even though my job is slow, I hate the program I am pursuing, and my life seems so mundane...I am to be content. Why? Because God is God. I need to realize that even though I am somewhere that doesn't seem to be worthwhile, that it is. Why, Because God has a plan. Anyway, that's todays lesson. :)